Korea Korea

ok i need to do some theraputic writing!

so the day we arrived back in korea i wasn't sure how i would feel. i knew i didn't feel like coming back. i knew it'd be cold. but i didn't forsee how much it would get on my nerves!

we were in the airport and jens was cut in front of in two different lines by two different old ladies! welcome back to korea! lol

we took a bus to the train station and had to wait there for a couple hours.

first we got breakfast at dunkin donuts. as we were sitting there eating sub-par bagels and donuts and were bombarded with overly loud, sappy korean pop ballads that's when i knew: i don't like korea anymore lol

we sat on a bench but we were surrounded by sleeping bums that stank so we decided to move. of course everyone and their dogs were staring at us with every move we made lol

everyone was watching kim yoo na's figure skating performance on tv. it was nice that for once they were showing something i could understand but it only served to remind me that korea is obssessed with itself and thinks it's the best in the world because of things and people like kim yoo na lol

{i'm wondering if when i get back i'll notice any americans being overly patriotic (or nationalistic) about dumb things....lol probably.}

i was surprised to find that everywhere we went there was this underlying stench of musty ginseng. i couldn't get away from it. even when we got on the train! i guess that's just the general scent of korea that i had gotten used to. but leaving for 2 months and coming back enabled me to smell it again lol

we survived the journey back to our apt. in mokpo but i stayed inside for 3 full days lol i didn't want to face the reality of living in korea for the next two months. if just a few hours of being in the country put me in such a bad mood i was afraid how i'd react to going out and about.

finally the evening before we had to go back to work i decided that school was not the first thing i wanted to deal with in korea. so we took the dogs for a walk. it was nice. it was dreary and wet outside but it was still nice to get out and take the pups for a walk. it was also good for me to get out and about in mokpo a little before going back to work. i was eased back in with people spitting, old people staring and cars honking lol

then it was back to work! at first i was ecstatic that my incredibly insane co-t had in fact moved to another school and it HAS been much more peaceful without her. but i'm still totally fed up with teaching. it's just not for me. i dunno how people do it and enjoy it lol unless they have perfect students which i don't think anyone does. i just get too annoyed at my students. i'm like why in the world would you think it's a good idea to do ______________? fill in any number of ridiculous things lol they won't shut up most of the time and many of them flat out refuse to do ANY work. even if it's just copying words down from the board or their friend's paper.

it's really hard for me to hold back my emotions. in one class today i got fed up trying to PUUULLL the answers out of them like pulling teeth and i said "oh my god, come on, please just give me one answer, just read it from your paper, pleeeease, you're killing me!" lol later i wanted the students to write down answers i had written on the board. i had to stand next to one table and supervise each and every word they wrote down. if i left at all they would stop writing. i felt like i may as well have held their hands while they wrote! lol

not every class is like that. i feel like two of the classes i had today were the worst but it's probably because the co-teacher is the oldest one i have and i had him last year and he sucks. he won't explain anything unless i specifically ask him to. with other co-ts they automatically know when something needs to be explained and they do it. also this old guy left halfway through one class and didn't even show up to the other. so of course that made the classes much more difficult. i have to be a crazy english drill sergeant if i don't have a co-t in there.

anyway all these things just make me like korea less and less. the students are in school so long that they're not expected to do that much work in one class. english education doesn't seem to be much of a priority at my school so the students feel it's totally ok to just say "englishee no". as if i'm going to say- ooooh i see, sorry to bother you! lol some co-teachers don't show up at all, some don't explain things to the students, they just sit there like bumps on a log (not so much this year but last year).

when i go out i'm stared at, yelled at, people spit on the ground whether they're indoors or outdoors, i'm constantly shoved this way and that, no one says excuse me (in korean or otherwise), i'm bombarded with horrible k-pop everywhere i go, etc.

i'm just done with this country!!!

i'm glad i came, 3 years was enough, i had some great times, it's over. time to go home!

the problem is i can't yet! lol i've still got 6 weeks. now that may not seem like much but it's at least 126 more classes! over a HUNDRED classes! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! nooooooooooo!

a lot of people say you should just be positive. but how do you be positive about something you don't like? only in a negative way- oh well in 6 weeks i won't have to deal with this country anymore - but that's still 6 weeks that i DO have to deal with it lol

i know that once it's over, once i've sold off my stuff, packed up and shipped things, taken the bus up to the airport with our suitcases and dogs and fly away, it'll feel like it wasn't that long. i'm mean, once i'm gone, i'm gone. but my point is i've got to deal with living in korea NOW! and i don't want to. but i have to! it sucks lol

i think i'll actually feel much better about this country once spring comes and the cherry blossoms bloom. korea is so much better in the spring than in the winter lol that should lift my spirits a bit but i don't think the blooms will come out for 3 weeks or something. i'm definitely affected by the weather.

anyway, i don't want to sound like a bitter old crone lol the fact of the matter is i did not want to stay a 3rd year but i knew it would be GOOD FOR ME to so we could save more money and i knew it'd be much easier for us to see more of asia from korea rather than from the u.s. so we stayed a 3rd year and i'm glad we did because i made some really good friends (korean and otherwise) and ben and vivienne were able to visit us here and we went to japan, singapore, malaysia, thailand, laos and cambodia! i certainly wouldn't change those things for the world.

i'm just trying to figure out a way to get through the next 6 weeks without being in a depressed funk the whole time. the main thing that makes me depressed is the job, but i have to teach. no way around it. i think part of the problem with my job is the classes are way too big. i noticed that last year when i had my english club class and it was only 10 students it was MUCH BETTER! i could relate to them better. i had a much more open and friendly demeanor with them, etc. but with the 30-37 students i have in the regular classes i feel like i automatically have to put up this tough front because they have to be extra quiet in order for anything to get done because there are do many of them. know what i mean? i can't be all fun-loving and lacsidasical with HUGE classes. as soon as i let my guard down they all start talking so loud they can't hear a word i say. it sucks. plain and simple. nothing i can do about it i guess. just keep on truckin'.

ok well that's how i've been feeling. i'm glad it's friday and i've got two days to do whatever i want and not deal with work. then i've just got one more week of lessons before movie week! i'm giving them two movie weeks- 4th week of march and my last week at the school. i figured i could get away with at least two ;o) and that'll make things much easier for them AND me!